Get all 7 Pet Shop Fashion releases available on Bandcamp and save 10%.
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1. |
AVE C
03:36
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Don't look...Close your eyes
And just believe
There's no reason to deny me
Truth is within our deluded minds...
Just last night, the world was created
And all I got was this damn T-shirt!
Down from the sky came a brilliant light show
It burned my eyes blind
Just then, I heard an extremely loud voice
that said something like, "What up?"
To which I replied, "Nothin' much. How 'bout you?"
There was no answer...Just silence...
Welcome to my neighborhood
It's on Avenue C
Throw away your intellect
And join the party
All of the catering
Is provided by gnomes
And for no good reason
We don't leave our homes
Well, I bet you are wondering
How the world began after you were born
This knowledge is beyond our understanding
But, I can simplify...
Like you, I have plenty of photos
And memories locked in my brain
Those are all tricks put there to deceive you
And hide the truth...Don't be fooled!
Welcome to my neighborhood
It's on Avenue C
Throw away your intellect
And join the party
All of the catering
Is provided by gnomes
And for no good reason
We don't leave our homes
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2. |
A Bad Joke
03:41
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Some say that I've lost my way
Others say they have the directions
How many psychiatrists does it take
To change a light bulb?
One, but the light bulb has to really want to change!
Tag me now – I’m it!
One size doesn't fit all
I’m torn inside
So sew me
If you look at the label
Then you will see that
I can’t be put
Through your machine
When you can’t remove
Deep stains in your fabric
You should start
A new trend
Be the life of the party
And the death of
Formalities
That keep you down on your knees
Some say that I've found my way
Others say they need my direction
How is a psychologist different from
A magician?
A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
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3. |
Scared To Be Sarcastic
04:17
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I don't mind turpentine mixed in with my food
I don't care if I'm bare naked on my roof
It doesn't seem to bother me when you are obnoxious
I don't mind
Not one bit
I don't mind at all
You know I'm scared to be sarcastic anymore
Because someone else will draw the line
I don't care if you're drunk and punch me in the gut
It feels good
I feel so alive
Do it one more time
I don't mind a kick to the crotch if it gets a laugh
Someday I'll be underground taking a dirt bath
I don't mind the lyrics to the song I'm singing now
They are great
Seriously
They're the best around
Thought-provoking and profound are what come to mind
If you don't notice this, then you must be blind
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4. |
Simple
04:23
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I see no need for things
I see no need for games
All I want is now
All I need is how
To live without greed; without regret, without suffering
Can I find stillness?
Can I still exist?
Is this my burden?
Is nothing certain?
Simple is more than just my way of life
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5. |
Mannequins For Dummies
03:04
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I'm on the hunt for some measurements
But not any measurements will do
Quantifying beauty is an art
I'm on the prowl for some inches
But too many inches will not do
Smaller numbers are where we will start
Make the face symmetrical
Make the waist an hour glass
Make the chest impossible to lift
Make it asymmetrical
Make the waist straight up and down
Make the chest impossible to see
I'm on the hunt for some measurements
But not any measurements will do
Searching for perfection is an art
I'm on the prowl for some inches
But too many inches will not do
Plastic skin will inspire plastic hearts
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6. |
Cosmic Timing
04:49
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Poor spirits can never get change for their paradigms
While rich spirits know they can step in and fill their meters whenever they’re getting low
“How can I seize the day
When the bank seized my car?”
People often think they’re in the driver’s seat
Until they have those feelings of utter defeat
But they don’t last forever
Poor spirits fight to keep the jobs where they slowly die
While rich spirits fight to achieve goals that give them peace when they reach the end of their lives
“How can I seize the day
When someone seized my job?”
Outsourcing employment when the wages get higher
Is justified in profit wars as friendly fire
Let’s blame it all on
Bad cosmic timing
The universe conspires to keep us down
Let’s thank the stars for
Good cosmic timing
And the ability to laugh at ourselves
“How can I seize the day
When rough seas steer my ship?”
People seldom match their feelings of sinking
With the violent storms in the clouds of their thinking
So talk about the “whether”
Poor spirits are blind to the path of prosperity
While rich spirits can travel the tough terrain that leads them to a hidden paradise
“How can I seize the day
When no one sees my pain?”
If all of your troubles were to disappear
Boredom is the next thing you would likely fear
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7. |
Person Who
04:16
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Have you heard of that guy
Who woke up in a bathtub in Mexico?
Well, they say he looked so frightened
He was missing his spleen
And in it's place was a transmitter
That would send strange signals to the mother ship...
I'm a person who
Knew someone that this happened to
And so now I'm sure
That it must be true
Have you heard of this pill
That helps you lose all of the weight you want?
Well, they say it works like magic
You can sit on the couch
And watch all of the inches just melt away
You don't even have to lift a finger
I'm a person who
Knew someone that this happened to
And so now I'm sure
That it must be true
Have you heard of that girl
Who woke up from a near death experience?
Well, they say she looked so frightened
She was plunged deep into
A dungeon of torture and suffering
And the ring leader was Reverend Falwell...
I'm a person who
Knew someone that this happened to
And so now I'm sure
That it must be true
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8. |
Kung Fu Mathematician
04:28
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Kung Fu Mathematician
He'll chop you right in half
And then divide the parts for
The men in his commutative group
Kung Fu Mathematician
He's gonna subtract your life!
What is the square root of pi?
I'll tell you, man...It's a piece...
A piece of the action
And peace of mind
Bombs with the words
"Peace be with you" printed on them
Will give us peace on Earth and
We'll all be like peas n' carrots again
Kung Fu Mathematician
The derivative of pain
You'll learn via induction
The meaning of defeat
Kung Fu Mathematician
He's gonna subtract your life!
Tell me something, friend...
Is it even hipper to be cubed?
You know, being popular
Should be the most important thing in your life
So, destroy those who stand in your way
Because everyone will love you for it
And from the ashes of some eyesore called a "forest"
Comes the beauty of a new shopping center
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9. |
I'll Take My Chances
04:48
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A man came up to me one day
Miming like he had a gun
And threatening to shoot me
This could be the day I die
Without a chance to say goodbye
I think I'll take my chances
You must live your life
Never mind the risks
Don't let empty threats
Keep you up at night
A gypsy put a curse on me
She said that I would lose my mind
And manifest my destiny
This could be the day I change
Homeless, desperate, and deranged
I think I'll take my chances
A priest came up to me one day
Screaming like a man of peace
And threatening damnation
He says that I will go to hell
Because I'm such an infidel
I think I'll take my chances
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10. |
Hitler As a Baby
04:48
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Late last night, I woke up in a sweat and rubbed my tired eyes
But I couldn't prepare myself for the next surprise
Sitting in my doorway
I jumped four feet back and started to yell as it crawled across the room
That's when I began to smell the sweet perfume
Of Hitler's mother
Some will call it nature
Others say nurture
Would you kill Hitler as a baby
Or teach him new ways to view this diverse world?
Everyone wants to feel comfort in many different ways
Some need a rattle, others set something ablaze
Like the whole world
Children are not the only ones who will throw a fit
Adult tantrums can turn our world to shit
Someone call a plumber
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11. |
Blessed Are the Silly
06:04
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If you're feeling bored
Why not build a robot
To eat up all the pests in the world?
And if you're feeling numb
Why not light a candle
To burn up all the pests in your heart?
Blessed are the silly
Where pain and love become one
In all my long lived years I have not found
True bliss
In all my long lived years I have searched for
True bliss
Give up now because you'll never find
Just what you're looking for
Only when you start to look inside
Will you find your true bliss
If all you want is to be happy
Then bake yourself a cookie
And eat it all up until it's gone
You will start to miss it
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12. |
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Somewhere in my mind I'm looking for a sign of a new beginning
Somewhere in my head I'm looking for a voice of cosmic origins
I think I'm going crazy because I don't hear voices in my head
I must be going crazy because I don't hear voices in my head
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13. |
Goddess of the Gap
04:15
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See that young girl driving by
She loves to be in control and she doesn't know why
There is a hole in her heart
That can only be filled by some things in a shopping cart
Daddy says she's a princess
No one can tell her she's not
The whole world owes her everything
She is the goddess of the gap
Check out those fancy new threads
She'll be the envy of every last one of her friends
But all the material girls
Lack any substance in their very material worlds
Notice her skinny physique
She got that way because she didn't eat for a week
Mommy would tell her she's fat
And that no man could ever love someone who's built like that
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14. |
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All behold our new god
Who was sent by Mother Nature
To save our souls
And the planet
The offspring of a hammerhead
Came to Earth to sacrifice its life
And wash away our
Environmental sins
Something happened to this shark
That I cannot explain and
Virgin births don't happen every day
So I think this must be a miracle
Everyone gather round
And bear witness to the sacrifice
That was made
By our new god
A stingray took away its life
For the carbon footprints of the world
And forgiveness
For the ones to come
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15. |
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Betcha can't wait 'till the whole world ends
So you can be in heaven with all your friends
Betcha can't wait for the heathens to burn
Schadenfreudian slips make my stomach turn
Wow
I'm so fucking sick
Sick of prophecies
I'm so doggone sick
Sick of prophecies
You are a weapon of mass destruction
Due to a belief of your own construction
Bullying people is your way of life
You threaten them with the invisible strife
Wow
I'm so fucking sick
Sick of prophecies
I'm so gosh darn sick
Sick of prophecies
Excuse me!
Does anyone wanna buy a Y2K kit for $19.99?
So when someone tries to tell you that the end times are near
Tell that self-righteous prick...
I'm so fucking sick
Sick of prophecies
I'm so goddamn sick
Sick of prophecies
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16. |
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I'll get out of here somehow
I just need to make sure that I
Can do it in under 59 steps
Using the fire escape
Is not a good option because
It's on the south side of my apartment
I have a plan
To do everything I can
Within the limits that I choose
I'd rather die
Than completely compromise
The scheme that I know I have to use
Maybe I can have someone
Carry me part of the way
To avoid taking too many steps
I need to figure this out
Because the flames are getting hot
And it's getting very hard to breathe
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17. |
Wetting Invitation
04:09
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Hold your breath and
Pray to Dog
We are gonna marry this idea
Say your vows
To obey
When we get our heads pushed in the mud
You might be tempted to think for yourself
But that will soon go away
All is fair in love and war
All is fair in love and war
My country
Will own everything in the world
You will watch our movies
And always eat our cuisine
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18. |
Get a Room
02:58
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Today is the best day of my life
And I thought you'd like to know
Everything that happened to me
You will feel so happy
The sky is clear
The birds are chirping
And everything is great
Even the allergies
That are secretly killing me
Nothing could ruin any part of this day
I wouldn't want things any other way
Because I just stole a car
...Because I just splashed some homeless guy
When you feel the thrill of cutting someone off
You might just be missing the point
When you feel the rush of flicking someone off
You might just want to get a room
What are my two favorite words?
"I" and "WIN"!
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19. |
First World Problem
03:38
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I had such a wretched day
I don't know where to begin
When you hear what I have to say
You'll play your small violin
And I will sing this song
About everything that's wrong
In my life today
You will get so mad
About the fact my life is bad
That you will not sleep
The guy at the coffee shop
Told me that I had to wait
This pushed me over the top
And I screamed, "Well, that's just great!"
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Pet Shop Fashion Colorado
Coitus, pharmaceuticals, and whatever Alan Freed's ghost calls my music.
These rough
recordings are some musical ideas I've had over the years. The process is very slow because I'm doing everything on my own - guitars, drums, vocals, lyrics, recording, mixing, etc. I hope to someday record them again with a band and maybe play them live. Until then, enjoy listening to my creative process.
... more
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