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Clean It Up Or Pay The Price!

by Pet Shop Fashion

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released March 10, 2013



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Pet Shop Fashion West Des Moines, Iowa

Coitus, pharmaceuticals, and whatever Alan Freed's ghost calls my music.

These rough recordings are some musical ideas I've had over the years. The process is very slow because I'm doing everything on my own - guitars, drums, vocals, lyrics, recording, mixing, etc. I hope to someday record them again with a band and maybe play them live. Until then, enjoy listening to my creative process. ... more

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Track Name: AVE C
Don't look...Close your eyes
And just believe
There's no reason to deny me
Truth is within our deluded minds...

Just last night, the world was created
And all I got was this damn T-shirt!
Down from the sky came a brilliant light show
It burned my eyes blind
Just then, I heard an extremely loud voice
that said something like, "What up?"
To which I replied, "Nothin' much. How 'bout you?"
There was no answer...Just silence...

Welcome to my neighborhood
It's on Avenue C
Throw away your intellect
And join the party
All of the catering
Is provided by gnomes
And for no good reason
We don't leave our homes

Well, I bet you are wondering
How the world began after you were born
This knowledge is beyond our understanding
But, I can simplify...
Like you, I have plenty of photos
And memories locked in my brain
Those are all tricks put there to deceive you
And hide the truth...Don't be fooled!

Welcome to my neighborhood
It's on Avenue C
Throw away your intellect
And join the party
All of the catering
Is provided by gnomes
And for no good reason
We don't leave our homes
Track Name: A Bad Joke
Some say that I've lost my way
Others say they have the directions
How many psychiatrists does it take
To change a light bulb?
One, but the light bulb has to really want to change!

Tag me now – I’m it!
One size doesn't fit all
I’m torn inside
So sew me

If you look at the label
Then you will see that
I can’t be put
Through your machine

When you can’t remove
Deep stains in your fabric
You should start
A new trend

Be the life of the party
And the death of
That keep you down on your knees

Some say that I've found my way
Others say they need my direction
How is a psychologist different from
A magician?
A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
Track Name: Scared To Be Sarcastic
I don't mind turpentine mixed in with my food
I don't care if I'm bare naked on my roof
It doesn't seem to bother me when you are obnoxious
I don't mind
Not one bit
I don't mind at all

You know I'm scared to be sarcastic anymore
Because someone else will draw the line

I don't care if you're drunk and punch me in the gut
It feels good
I feel so alive
Do it one more time
I don't mind a kick to the crotch if it gets a laugh
Someday I'll be underground taking a dirt bath

I don't mind the lyrics to the song I'm singing now
They are great
They're the best around
Thought-provoking and profound are what come to mind
If you don't notice this, then you must be blind
Track Name: Simple
I see no need for things
I see no need for games
All I want is now
All I need is how

To live without greed; without regret, without suffering

Can I find stillness?
Can I still exist?
Is this my burden?
Is nothing certain?

Simple is more than just my way of life
Track Name: Mannequins For Dummies
I'm on the hunt for some measurements
But not any measurements will do
Quantifying beauty is an art

I'm on the prowl for some inches
But too many inches will not do
Smaller numbers are where we will start

Make the face symmetrical
Make the waist an hour glass
Make the chest impossible to lift

Make it asymmetrical
Make the waist straight up and down
Make the chest impossible to see

I'm on the hunt for some measurements
But not any measurements will do
Searching for perfection is an art

I'm on the prowl for some inches
But too many inches will not do
Plastic skin will inspire plastic hearts
Track Name: Cosmic Timing
Poor spirits can never get change for their paradigms
While rich spirits know they can step in and fill their meters whenever they’re getting low

“How can I seize the day
When the bank seized my car?”

People often think they’re in the driver’s seat
Until they have those feelings of utter defeat

But they don’t last forever

Poor spirits fight to keep the jobs where they slowly die
While rich spirits fight to achieve goals that give them peace when they reach the end of their lives

“How can I seize the day
When someone seized my job?”

Outsourcing employment when the wages get higher
Is justified in profit wars as friendly fire

Let’s blame it all on
Bad cosmic timing
The universe conspires to keep us down

Let’s thank the stars for
Good cosmic timing
And the ability to laugh at ourselves

“How can I seize the day
When rough seas steer my ship?”

People seldom match their feelings of sinking
With the violent storms in the clouds of their thinking

So talk about the “whether”

Poor spirits are blind to the path of prosperity
While rich spirits can travel the tough terrain that leads them to a hidden paradise

“How can I seize the day
When no one sees my pain?”

If all of your troubles were to disappear
Boredom is the next thing you would likely fear
Track Name: Person Who
Have you heard of that guy
Who woke up in a bathtub in Mexico?
Well, they say he looked so frightened
He was missing his spleen
And in it's place was a transmitter
That would send strange signals to the mother ship...

I'm a person who
Knew someone that this happened to
And so now I'm sure
That it must be true

Have you heard of this pill
That helps you lose all of the weight you want?
Well, they say it works like magic
You can sit on the couch
And watch all of the inches just melt away
You don't even have to lift a finger

I'm a person who
Knew someone that this happened to
And so now I'm sure
That it must be true

Have you heard of that girl
Who woke up from a near death experience?
Well, they say she looked so frightened
She was plunged deep into
A dungeon of torture and suffering
And the ring leader was Reverend Falwell...

I'm a person who
Knew someone that this happened to
And so now I'm sure
That it must be true
Track Name: Kung Fu Mathematician
Kung Fu Mathematician
He'll chop you right in half
And then divide the parts for
The men in his commutative group
Kung Fu Mathematician
He's gonna subtract your life!

What is the square root of pi?
I'll tell you, man...It's a piece...
A piece of the action
And peace of mind
Bombs with the words
"Peace be with you" printed on them
Will give us peace on Earth and
We'll all be like peas n' carrots again

Kung Fu Mathematician
The derivative of pain
You'll learn via induction
The meaning of defeat
Kung Fu Mathematician
He's gonna subtract your life!

Tell me something, friend...
Is it even hipper to be cubed?
You know, being popular
Should be the most important thing in your life
So, destroy those who stand in your way
Because everyone will love you for it
And from the ashes of some eyesore called a "forest"
Comes the beauty of a new shopping center
Track Name: I'll Take My Chances
A man came up to me one day
Miming like he had a gun
And threatening to shoot me

This could be the day I die
Without a chance to say goodbye
I think I'll take my chances

You must live your life
Never mind the risks
Don't let empty threats
Keep you up at night

A gypsy put a curse on me
She said that I would lose my mind
And manifest my destiny

This could be the day I change
Homeless, desperate, and deranged
I think I'll take my chances

A priest came up to me one day
Screaming like a man of peace
And threatening damnation

He says that I will go to hell
Because I'm such an infidel
I think I'll take my chances
Track Name: Hitler As a Baby
Late last night, I woke up in a sweat and rubbed my tired eyes
But I couldn't prepare myself for the next surprise
Sitting in my doorway

I jumped four feet back and started to yell as it crawled across the room
That's when I began to smell the sweet perfume
Of Hitler's mother

Some will call it nature
Others say nurture
Would you kill Hitler as a baby
Or teach him new ways to view this diverse world?

Everyone wants to feel comfort in many different ways
Some need a rattle, others set something ablaze
Like the whole world

Children are not the only ones who will throw a fit
Adult tantrums can turn our world to shit
Someone call a plumber
Track Name: Blessed Are the Silly
If you're feeling bored
Why not build a robot
To eat up all the pests in the world?

And if you're feeling numb
Why not light a candle
To burn up all the pests in your heart?

Blessed are the silly
Where pain and love become one

In all my long lived years I have not found
True bliss
In all my long lived years I have searched for
True bliss

Give up now because you'll never find
Just what you're looking for
Only when you start to look inside
Will you find your true bliss

If all you want is to be happy
Then bake yourself a cookie
And eat it all up until it's gone
You will start to miss it
Track Name: Speaking in Tongue-in-Cheek
Somewhere in my mind I'm looking for a sign of a new beginning
Somewhere in my head I'm looking for a voice of cosmic origins

I think I'm going crazy because I don't hear voices in my head
I must be going crazy because I don't hear voices in my head
Track Name: Goddess of the Gap
See that young girl driving by
She loves to be in control and she doesn't know why
There is a hole in her heart
That can only be filled by some things in a shopping cart

Daddy says she's a princess
No one can tell her she's not
The whole world owes her everything
She is the goddess of the gap

Check out those fancy new threads
She'll be the envy of every last one of her friends
But all the material girls
Lack any substance in their very material worlds

Notice her skinny physique
She got that way because she didn't eat for a week
Mommy would tell her she's fat
And that no man could ever love someone who's built like that
Track Name: Holy Parthenogenetic Mary!
All behold our new god
Who was sent by Mother Nature
To save our souls
And the planet

The offspring of a hammerhead
Came to Earth to sacrifice its life
And wash away our
Environmental sins

Something happened to this shark
That I cannot explain and
Virgin births don't happen every day
So I think this must be a miracle

Everyone gather round
And bear witness to the sacrifice
That was made
By our new god

A stingray took away its life
For the carbon footprints of the world
And forgiveness
For the ones to come
Track Name: My Obsessive Compulsive Escape Plan
I'll get out of here somehow
I just need to make sure that I
Can do it in under 59 steps

Using the fire escape
Is not a good option because
It's on the south side of my apartment

I have a plan
To do everything I can
Within the limits that I choose

I'd rather die
Than completely compromise
The scheme that I know I have to use

Maybe I can have someone
Carry me part of the way
To avoid taking too many steps

I need to figure this out
Because the flames are getting hot
And it's getting very hard to breathe
Track Name: Wetting Invitation
Hold your breath and
Pray to Dog
We are gonna marry this idea

Say your vows
To obey
When we get our heads pushed in the mud

You might be tempted to think for yourself
But that will soon go away

All is fair in love and war
All is fair in love and war

My country
Will own everything in the world
You will watch our movies
And always eat our cuisine
Track Name: Get a Room
Today is the best day of my life
And I thought you'd like to know
Everything that happened to me
You will feel so happy

The sky is clear
The birds are chirping
And everything is great
Even the allergies
That are secretly killing me

Nothing could ruin any part of this day
I wouldn't want things any other way
Because I just stole a car
...Because I just splashed some homeless guy

When you feel the thrill of cutting someone off
You might just be missing the point
When you feel the rush of flicking someone off
You might just want to get a room

What are my two favorite words?
"I" and "WIN"!
Track Name: First World Problem
I had such a wretched day
I don't know where to begin
When you hear what I have to say
You'll play your small violin

And I will sing this song
About everything that's wrong
In my life today
You will get so mad
About the fact my life is bad
That you will not sleep

The guy at the coffee shop
Told me that I had to wait
This pushed me over the top
And I screamed, "Well, that's just great!"